Redefine
Parenting has redefined a lot of things for me.
For instance, the phrase "back-biting". Prior to kids, I would have agreed with the dictionary definition which reads something along the lines of "malicious talk about someone who is not present." Now it means any extended period of time with Bruiser on my back in the Ergo. The bite marks are impressive.
Prior to parenting, sharing was a good thing. Now I realize that "sharing" means trading off who gets the Cars toothbrush and who gets the Planes toothbrush. "Sharing" is the reason we have nonstop runny noses in this house.
Before kids, mascara was something I put on my eyelashes. After kids, mascara was something for Bee to apply liberally in the general vicinity of her eyelashes, and then after that to rub with expression all over her clothes, hair and face.
Before kids, shop lifting was something juvenile delinquents did. After kids, I realize that shoe fetishes start at an early age and it's very easy to hide things in the back seat of the double stroller.
Before: child labor was deplorable! After: you don't take a nap, you better believe you're helping clean the kitchen and fold the laundry.
Before: a lunch break was time to actually take a break. After: lunch is something squished into the "break" that is supposed to be nap time, during which I'm also trying to throw dinner in the crock pot, recover the floor from the avalanche of lunch-crumbs, and quickly knock out any necessary phone calls so that maybe (just maybe) I can find ten minutes to do something that makes me feel halfway human, like reading something above a 3rd grade level or writing words not included in that day's phonics lesson.
Before: I thought legos were little block thingies you put together to build houses and cars and other vehicles. After: I know that legos are limitless in their imaginative scope and especially in their ability to show me how I'm failing as a feminist. The following conversation occurred Monday morning:
For instance, the phrase "back-biting". Prior to kids, I would have agreed with the dictionary definition which reads something along the lines of "malicious talk about someone who is not present." Now it means any extended period of time with Bruiser on my back in the Ergo. The bite marks are impressive.
Before kids, mascara was something I put on my eyelashes. After kids, mascara was something for Bee to apply liberally in the general vicinity of her eyelashes, and then after that to rub with expression all over her clothes, hair and face.
Before: child labor was deplorable! After: you don't take a nap, you better believe you're helping clean the kitchen and fold the laundry.
Lego Dad: How about this, boys? Mom goes into the kitchen and makes cookies while we watch the Braves play baseball?
Real Mom (that's me): How come Lego Dad can't make his own cookies? [insert for all blog readers: because you better believe Real Dad is fully capable of doing so--and he doesn't burn the cookies like Real Mom does]
Littles, exasperated: Because he's watching baseball!
Before: jeans were for your legs. After: dirty jeans from the laundry pile double as a scarf.
Before: not having trash service for an unspecified amount of time would've been an inconvenience. After: not having trash service is certainly smelly (diapers are fun!) but mostly sad for my three trash-truck obsessed little boys.
Before: not having trash service for an unspecified amount of time would've been an inconvenience. After: not having trash service is certainly smelly (diapers are fun!) but mostly sad for my three trash-truck obsessed little boys.
Before...well...there are a lot of words that have been redefined. I suppose having kids makes that happen, both on a serious front as well as an entertaining one. It's like discovering a whole new language! One that is confusing, full of laughter, and occasionally a little disturbing.
