May As Well Enjoy (Part Deux)
I'm coming back to apply an add-on to Sunday's post...mostly because honesty is important to me and balance is a necessary ingredient when we talk about perspective (which is a theme that keeps cropping up for me here). I realized that my original post just needed a little more fleshing out, so bear with me.
This afternoon, I took the kids back to base housing to let the twins and Twinkle play on that little playground I mentioned Sunday and let the big boys enjoy the basketball court next door. We'd been there about fifteen minutes before I noticed: the sand where the playground sat was covered in broken glass shards leftover from the hurricane. I am not talking, "There were a few broken beer bottles that I easily picked up and threw away." I'm also not talking, "The sun glistened on the broken glass, its rays reflecting to create a beautiful rainbow blah blah blah fantastic life lesson blah blah." I'm talking, "I am letting my five year olds and two year old slide into a sand pit full of broken glass, and someone is going to die or at the very least get sent the the ER, at which point, protective services is going to take my children away from me forever...and I'll probably deserve it."
It felt like a slap in the face.
And I'm not going to lie, it especially felt like a slap in the face because I had literally just written a super positive post about embracing where you are. So let me caveat: if where you are is covered in broken glass, embrace with caution. At the very least, maybe keep scouting for another playground.
But I also want to say this: I had someone tell me this week about how they could never do what I do (RV living with five homeschooled kids in a disaster zone, I guess) and how they are amazed at how positive I am. If this thought has ever crossed your mind or some version of this thought in relation to some other person, let me say this: God calls us to different kinds of hard. And this is a hard season that God has clearly called me to. He has something else for you.
Just like I don't need to embrace a playground covered in broken glass, so you don't need to force yourself into hard situations that are not intended for you.
With that said, I am not always positive (far from it), and this is not always easy. Just this morning, I was making pancakes (nothing so hard about that), and looking around our RV and had a complete panic moment about being there for another year. Another year without accessing any of the things we threw into a storage unit (that are hopefully not covered in mold), things that most of our friends lost outright in the hurricane (so, note that I'm aware how petty this is). Another year of emptying out black tanks and gray tanks. Another year of the washer/dryer cheerfully shrinking our clothes and leaving them nice and wrinkly. Another year of hoping we don't run out of gas before I've made my coffee in the morning. Another year of wanting to hide in the RV because I don't want to see the destruction around me.
And then, very quietly, I heard in my heart, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Even this. I can do small things like fry a batch of pancakes. I can do hard things like fight back tears day in and day out so that I can be emotionally available to my kids. I can do impossible things like choosing joy when the world around looks incredibly bleak. All things through Christ. Who strengthens me. Whether or not I deserve it. Whether or not I remember to ask for it. Whether or not I make the wisest choices with my time and energy. He is always there (Emmanuel--Christ with us) offering to strengthen me, offering to revive me, offering to hold me up in his everlasting arms.
So yes, embrace where you are and who you are with and enjoy, but know that you are not doing it because you are some positive, effervescent embodiment of spirituality--you are doing it because Christ strengthens you. But that doesn't mean you should let your kids go play in broken glass.
This afternoon, I took the kids back to base housing to let the twins and Twinkle play on that little playground I mentioned Sunday and let the big boys enjoy the basketball court next door. We'd been there about fifteen minutes before I noticed: the sand where the playground sat was covered in broken glass shards leftover from the hurricane. I am not talking, "There were a few broken beer bottles that I easily picked up and threw away." I'm also not talking, "The sun glistened on the broken glass, its rays reflecting to create a beautiful rainbow blah blah blah fantastic life lesson blah blah." I'm talking, "I am letting my five year olds and two year old slide into a sand pit full of broken glass, and someone is going to die or at the very least get sent the the ER, at which point, protective services is going to take my children away from me forever...and I'll probably deserve it."
It felt like a slap in the face.
And I'm not going to lie, it especially felt like a slap in the face because I had literally just written a super positive post about embracing where you are. So let me caveat: if where you are is covered in broken glass, embrace with caution. At the very least, maybe keep scouting for another playground.
Just like I don't need to embrace a playground covered in broken glass, so you don't need to force yourself into hard situations that are not intended for you.
With that said, I am not always positive (far from it), and this is not always easy. Just this morning, I was making pancakes (nothing so hard about that), and looking around our RV and had a complete panic moment about being there for another year. Another year without accessing any of the things we threw into a storage unit (that are hopefully not covered in mold), things that most of our friends lost outright in the hurricane (so, note that I'm aware how petty this is). Another year of emptying out black tanks and gray tanks. Another year of the washer/dryer cheerfully shrinking our clothes and leaving them nice and wrinkly. Another year of hoping we don't run out of gas before I've made my coffee in the morning. Another year of wanting to hide in the RV because I don't want to see the destruction around me.
So yes, embrace where you are and who you are with and enjoy, but know that you are not doing it because you are some positive, effervescent embodiment of spirituality--you are doing it because Christ strengthens you. But that doesn't mean you should let your kids go play in broken glass.
