Surviving the Standard
I realized that No Novel November was getting to me when I found myself desperately yearning for fiction the way a pregnant woman immediately craves literally any food she hears mentioned in conversation or sees in a commercial.
For instance, I read a Chinese version of Beauty and the Beast to the kids during literature and was immediately desperate to reread Robin McKinley’s Beauty.
Bee finished the retelling if Little Women she was reading and handed me her book (Littler Women, for those who need to know) to put in my purse, and it required a ridiculous amount of self-control not to read it myself.
During school, I even have trouble putting down our read aloud, The Little White Horse, because there’s a plot and characters and humor! It’s not that I’m not reading excellent nonfiction right now (funny, informative, fascinating nonfiction)—but I think I miss the story arc.
Missing the story arc means I found a loop hole in No Novel November—yep, I watched a movie based on a novel. Can I tell you the last time I watched something by myself? It’s been a bit. I made it happen by watching on my phone while I cooked dinner…and then staying up late to “write” only to watch it in five minute segments in between typing and deleting some version of the same sentence in Word.
It feels like there’s nothing I want more at the end of a long day than to disappear into a fictional world. Instead, I’m doing real things like parenting and teaching and writing…and also disappearing into nonfictional worlds. Still…it’s not the same.
Naturally, during this time, I find out that two of my favorite authors have just released new novels. WHY, NOVEMBER!?! WHY?! But really, the question is: why am I so attached to my own standards? Who would know or care if I broke my No Novel rule?
I would. I would know.
Just like I know when I don’t eat healthy and when I don’t have a quiet time and when I pick up for my kids instead of making them come hold themselves to a standard.
And holding ourselves to a standard is the point of all of this. It’s a learned and necessary skill. We hold ourselves to a standard because we realize that entropy is a beast—and left to its own devices, it will devour our souls.
We want what is easy and comfortable and convenient…even when it’s not what’s best for us. And sometimes (for me, this time is now), we need something to jolt us out of our ruts a bit. Especially knowing that all the novels I want to read are still going to be there in December.
At the end of November, I’m hoping that I’ve taken a few deep breaths and thought a handful of actual coherent thoughts and maybe learned something new, now that I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone.
But mostly, I’m hoping that I’ll see that I set a goal for myself, a standard—and then I met it. Because that’s a powerful thing.
Even if other people maybe think it’s a little on the odd side, a waste of effort and time, or a total nonissue. Even if it’s something small. Even if no one else knows about it but ourselves.
