Undisappointable Hope
Years ago, when we were still living in the RV post hurricane, I painted a verse that went up on our RV walls. Four small words: hope does not disappoint.
I’m sure that part of me was trying to remember that our base would recover from the devastation of Michael—and it did, though slowly—but mostly I remember painting those words while praying steadily through a specific family grief that had left me and those closest to my heart completely at a loss.
During that season, I remember running in the early mornings with tears streaming down my face as I prayed. I remember 4am wake ups when I sat on my bed beside my sleeping husband after making my French press of coffee (silently, so as not to wake the kids)…and prayed. I remember watching the sunset while our kids did the dishes and the Man and I twined our fingers and talked about the latest round of discouraging news…and prayed.
We prayed one specific prayer for close to two years. Something good. Something Biblical. Something that, in our minds, a loving God would agree to.
And God said no.
Even writing about it now, the tears rise right back to the surface. And all that time, those four words stared down at me from their frame: hope does not disappoint. During that time, the words gradually grew faded from years of direct sunlight, but they were still legible: hope does not disappoint.
But we were disappointed. That word didn’t even scratch the surface. We were grieving, broken, completely taken aback. How could this have happened? What should we have done differently? Why had God done nothing?
It took time. It took honesty. It took lament.
How can a good God allow the unthinkable? How could it possibly be true that hope does not disappoint? There are no easy answers to take the sting from the wound. But…
I finally started to read the verse differently because I realized that all along I’d misunderstood the meaning of the word “hope”. When I said “hope,” what I meant was “Getting what I want.” Getting what I want does not disappoint. And, as all of us know, having been disappointed at one point or another by receiving a gift we thought we desperately wanted only to find that it didn’t live up to our expectations, getting what we want is sometimes not all its cracked up to be… even if it was impossible for me to imagine that what I was asking for might not be the best thing.
Instead, I had to read “Hope does not disappoint” with 1 Timothy 1:1 in mind, where Paul names Jesus as our hope. Rereading it with the mindset that Jesus is my ultimate hope reframes the words. It’s not “dreaming does not disappoint.” It’s not “wanting does not disappoint.” It’s not “believing does not disappoint.” It’s that Jesus does not disappoint.
When God says “no” to our deepest desires, Jesus does not disappoint. When we are surrounded by brokenness, Jesus does not disappoint. When we can’t understand what God is doing, Jesus does not disappoint. When our grief threatens to overwhelm us, Jesus does not disappoint. This is true even if we can’t feel it and even when it seems completely counterintuitive to everything we are experiencing.
This week I finally repainted those four faded words. We’ve been in another season of relentless, challenging prayer, a prayer that is, at minimum, receiving a very difficult answer of “wait.” Every day, the kids and the Man and I are praying together for one specific request. It’s impossible not to ask myself what my children are learning about God’s goodness and trustworthiness and power through this season of praying for the same request, day in and day out, month after month…with seemingly no hope.
And yet: hope does not disappoint because Jesus does not disappoint. And our hope is in Him. The one described as the Yes and Amen. As Promise Keeper. As Provider.
I don’t know what God is doing. I don’t understand Him at all most days. And this is what faith looks like.
Showing up again and again to say, “Hope doesn’t disappoint because you are our hope and you are incapable of disappointing me…no matter what happens.”
Showing up and somehow knowing that, regardless of today’s circumstances, Jesus will not ever let me down.
Showing up and trusting that these light and momentary troubles are preparing us for the eternal weight of glory that shines from Jesus who is, at his core, incapable of disappointing me.
